Never say this to your child!
The fundamental message behind Lazy parenting has always been that we need to build a strong relationship with our children built on mutual respect. I strongly believe that it is impossible to raise healthy, happy, independent, empathetic young adults if our relationship with them doesn’t have this strong foundation. When our children don’t trust us, they don’t respect us. And that trust comes slowly, over time by us proving to our child that we are there for them in the good and bad times and that we always have their best interest at top of mind. Trust takes years to build but only an instant to break. And this goes both ways...it’s a message our kids need to understand, especially as they begin to gain independence and start to make their own decisions. They need to understand that when they break our trust through lies or deceit, it will take time to earn that trust back.
Now, understanding this and committing to this as the basis of all our parenting brings a new way of looking at our child’s behaviour. It means that we always have to look at our child’s behaviour from their perspective, from a lens of trying to understand the where and why the behaviour is coming from. And, being honest with ourselves that it is often our own constructs, our own hangups, our own issues from our own childhood that get in the way of this.
One of the times we often respond in a way that is not at all helpful is when our children are angry, upset, or crying and we say the words…
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