January 1st is coming up quick and the end of a decade is here and that means the beginning of a NEW DECADE is right around the corner. New year’s Eve is often a hyped-up day that many people scorn at as a holiday that they believe only sees people making resolutions and promises to themselves that they aren’t going to keep. And, the statistics would agree with you there! The fact is that most resolutions don’t stick. I looked it up and 80% of them don’t make it past mid-February. BUT-- being an optimist...in my mind, let’s say you take the time to come up with a handful of things you would like to commit to for 2020...even if a couple, heck, even if JUST ONE resolution sticks..then you are better off than you were had you not made any. Right?!?!

I also think this time of year can be really powerful if we take the time to reflect on what happened in the previous year. If we go back and look through our calendar and see what worked well, what did we struggle with, why did we succeed with some things and struggle with others? If we had set goals 12 months ago, did we make any progress towards them? Did we actually achieve them? If not, what got in our way?

The New Year also is an AMAZING time to recenter your family, recalibrate, look back at the previous year and see what changes can be made moving forward.

Below I share the THREE meetings you need to schedule RIGHT AWAY with your family to ensure that you all have the best possible start to 2020!

Meeting #1 - Household rules & chores.

New Year’s can be a great time to reset as a family with respect to how the house is run and how the duties of taking care of it are split up. I suggest having a family meeting at the beginning of the year to discuss how things are going and to bring up any inequalities that might be happening. Some specifics to ask yourself are: How is the work that needs to be done around the house being delegated...are you doing all or most of it? Are there things that could be taken off your plate? Make a list of all the day-to-day chores that need to be done. Who is doing them now? Who could be doing them? In our house, each child has a major chore that needs to be done daily. For us they are the cat food and litter box, the dishwasher, the laundry and because we have a 4th child - they are responsible for doing whatever I ask...likely the garbage and compost bag. These chores rotate every 3-6months if they want...we just changed up the dishwasher person and it is now our youngest and she is realizing how frustrating it is when people don’t put their dishes IN the dishwasher and just leave them in the sink - an important lesson for each child to learn and this is a great way to learn it haha. Here are a few chores that I can think of that you may be doing that can easily be delegated to a child in the family.

Loading/emptying the dishwasher
Taking the dirty clothes to the washing machine and loading them.
Emptying the dryer and sorting the clothes
Clothes being put away
Emptying the garbage/recycling
Emptying the litter box/cleaning the cage etc.
Taking the dog for a walk
Wiping down the bathrooms
Vacuuming
Sweeping
Putting groceries away

So many things!

Meeting #2 - School Check-In

Having an honest and open talk about school and how the year has gone so far. This might be a great discussion to have while driving in the car, or going on a long walk. Start a conversation with them about what things have gone better than expected so far at school this year (always start with the positive).

Ask them to tell you 3 things that they are really proud of accomplishing this school year so far.
Then have them give you 3 things that are harder for them than they expected. Listen to what they have to say. Don’t try to solve their problems! Let them reflect. You might have to come back to this conversation if they can’t think of anything.
Ask them how they think they are doing with their time-management. Are they getting their homework done? Have them give themselves a letter grade on how well they get their homework done. Ask why they think it isn’t an “A”. Are they having difficulty finding the time, the motivation? Are they struggling with managing all their activities? What time of day seems to work best for them to get it done? Is it best for them as soon as they come home from school or do they like to have a blocked off time in the evening before bed? Or, are they morning people and like to spend time doing it before going to school?
How do they feel about their grades? Report cards will have come home by now from their first term whether they are in elementary, middle or high school. Are they where they want to be? What are their goals with respect to grades by the end of the year? Ask them why do they have these goals? Why do they want these specific grades? Are they doable? Will they be able to do all the work it takes AND be able to participate in all their extra-curricular activities too? Does anything need to give?
And that can take you into a final discussion on how they are managing the stress of all these things in their lives? Find out if they are ENJOYING school? What are their favorite parts of the day? Who are their closest friends? Who do they eat lunch with? If they had a few more hours available in the week - what would they want to spend it doing?

These 5 questions could bring you a lot of insight into their day to day life and can bring to light some ways you could help support them if needed.

Meeting #3 - Goal Setting for the New Year

Goal setting - Being an intentional parent means helping teach our children how to be intentional. Have they ever really thought of where they are at now and where they might like to be 12 months from now? Have they ever set a REAL goal with REAL intention behind it? Have we as their parents ever done this? If we don’t model how to set goals and then put a plan in action to achieve them, how will our kids learn to do this? Is goal setting this arbitrary, grandiose thing to them or do they understand (because they have watched us do this) that small goals completed and achieved can lead to big goals farther off in the future?

So, about 5-6 year ago we started a new tradition on New Year’s Eve. We do it EVERY YEAR. When they were too small to write it themselves, we helped them.
We sit around the dining room table, each person with a stack of index cards of a different color. You could use post-it notes or even plain paper with different colored markers. And one by one, we go around and around in circles sharing one goal we will accomplish in the new year. We continue going round and round until we have run out of goals. There is no minimum or maximum. Goals in our family range from sports/fitness goals like running their first half-marathon, to school-related goals like getting straight A’s to organizational goals like using a planner every day, to intention goals like taking more videos to record family memories. We then take all the cards and post them on a wall somewhere in the house where they can come and look at it. And every year (since the 1st year) we start New Year Eve by looking back at our previous goals and seeing how many we accomplished. As I talk about this, I think this year in 2020 I will make a plan on Canada day (which is July 1st) to do a mid-year reflection on these goals. I think that would be a great idea to see if all the goals are still ones they want to accomplish, to get some positive feedback for the goals that have already been achieved, and an opportunity to make some new goals if wanted/needed.
It has become something we all look forward to and helps us set intentions for the next 12 months by looking back on the previous 12 and seeing if we accomplished what we wanted to and if not how come? Did our goals change (that’s ok), did we face a stumbling block that either added time to the completion of the goal (so it gets added to this year) or did we allow the block to do just that and block us from trying…this year I am going to have the kids add the following statement to each goal: If I want to __________ then I need to ____________. I think it will add a layer of understanding for the kids to see what the goal will cost them...in time, in effort, in sleep...
This family tradition is an important one for us. And it is really eye-opening for me as a parent to see what is going on in their heads. No one is allowed to judge anyone else’s goals. No snide comments or laughs or giggles. Everyone knows that we are only to be supportive of each other.

These three meetings WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE. It will allow your kids to see what it takes to achieve goals.

And now, because I want you to have the best 2020 ever - here are some BONUS TIPS for you and your family!

Hold family meetings when needed - they allow everyone in the family, including the kids, an opportunity to be heard. Provide the space for the kids and parents to voice their feelings in a setting that insists on respectful communication and conflict resolution. Strategize solutions to stumbling blocks. When the kids have a say in decisions, more buy-in will occur and more harmony will be the result.
Say NO to sarcasm. If you are mad, be mad. If you are sad, be sad. Teaching our children to communicate their feelings openly and honestly, opens the door to finding solutions to problems and is something that will set them up for success in their future lives.
Laugh a lot! Laughing together as a family fills up their ‘good-will’ tank and makes your family more resilient in tough times. Laughter means happiness and happiness makes talking about tough times easier.
Focus on quality & quantity. I believe whole-heartedly in forced family time. Especially in busy families! Although this might look different for different families, finding the time to spend together, either just in the same space or intentionally out on a walk or a long car drive Be mindful and your family will thank you.
Date Nights - marriages have to come first. End of sentence. Our partnership HAS TO COME FIRST. We are the bedrock of our family life, we are the executives heading the corporation. So we need to stay tight. We need to stay connected. We need to find alone time for intimacy.
Practice self-care. We can’t be a good parent or a good partner if our tank is empty. And with SOOOOOO many people needing us on a daily basis, we can often forget how empty our tank is getting until it is too late. And without realizing how depleted we are, we begin to sweat the small stuff, harbor resentment and become bitter when we deny our own needs. So re-fuel often. Don’t believe you don’t need it or that you don’t deserve it. YOU DO. You’ll be happier and more joyful and better prepared for all the things that you are responsible for.

Now, go have your best year yet!

xoxo